The Troubles of Men
by Lafiel-un-Weisheit
Summary: Dende has now grown up and Piccolo starts to question wither he is needed. With some help from Bulma, he starts a new life... a human life R
1. Default Chapter

The troubles of men  
Written by: Casakitten and Supervillain_Catgirl  
  
AN: Just to remind ya'll I did not write this by myself. My good friend  
Casakitten deserves just as much credit.  
* * *  
  
Men. They're the protectors. They are the providers. They are the fathers. They are the sons. He was.not-like-them-in-the slightest.  
  
Protector Well, he'd help save the universe a few times.  
  
Provider He lived with the brother of one of the Nameks he'd absorbed.he didn't have a job.he didn't support anyone.  
  
Father He was an alien! That wasn't exactly the thing girls went after.  
  
Son He was-basically-was Piccolo Damien, which meant that he really wasn't born.  
  
So could he really be considered a man?  
  
::Cry::, No!  
  
Piccolo slammed his fist down against the tile floor of the lookout, he wasn't a man! He didn't do anything earth men did! So thus, he figured he really wasn't a man to begin with.  
  
Mr. Popo, who had been watering a potted shrub near by jumped in surprise of the Namekians action.  
  
"Piccolo?" came a soft voice from behind.  
  
Piccolo peeked over his shoulder, "I got.angry." he muttered, to Dende who stood behind him smiling warily.  
  
"About?" inquired Dende strolling to Piccolo's front, to face him.  
  
"I'm not much of a man" grunted Piccolo coming to his feet, "I don't do anything a man does! I don't have a job-or a place! I live off of you!" he cried.  
  
Dende blinked in surprise, he gave Piccolo a weak smile "Well-" Piccolo cut him off.  
  
"SHUT UP AND LISTEN!"  
  
Mr. Popo scampered behind Dende, shaking in fear.  
  
"I AM GOING TO GO OUT AND BECOME A MAN!" cried Piccolo in personal triumph, a psychotic smile plastered on his face, "AND YOU-" he scowled at the two of them loudly, "-AREN'T GOING TO STOP ME!".  
  
"Okay Piccolo" Dende said quietly.  
  
"NO ARGUMENTS!"  
  
"Okay Piccolo" Dende repeated faintly.  
  
"I SAID NO-oh" Piccolo's shoulder slummed he starred at Dende and Popo, both of which looked as if they were going to wet themselves, "I was caught in the moment".  
  
Dende whimpered.  
  
"Sorry" Piccolo said with a weak smile, backing up several feet to the lookout edge, "I'll be going now".  
  
Popo began to cry.  
  
"I'll be going." he said before levitating backwards off the solid platform, "Bye" he said meekly.  
  
Piccolo let himself drop, soaring down to the earth at top speed.  
  
'Note to self: Don't go up there for awhile.'  
  
When Piccolo landed on the earths surface, he found conveniently, that it was on the outskirts of West City. He didn't even have a solid plan yet, he didn't have any plan yet.but who do you go to if you want a plan?  
  
Who can you trust will always have the answer?  
  
Goku that's who!.wait.no.Gohan?.no.Goten? (Heh) yeah right.Bulma?.close.  
  
VEGETA!!!!! (sigh) Not the best choice but hey he'd listen!!!  
  
Hopefully.  
  
* * *  
  
"-so I want to get a job. But I don't have an education so no one will hire me.so I was wondering." Piccolo bit his bottom lip tensely.  
  
Vegeta squinted at him, waving his hand for him to continue.  
  
".if you could talk to Bulma about pulling some strings to get me into College?" Piccolo asked weakly, his cheeks tinted purple.  
  
"College?" gapped Vegeta, eyes wide with shock.  
  
And now he would.  
  
Vegeta broke into uncontrollable laughter, clutching his stomach to keep from falling.  
  
Piccolo's left eyebrow twitched, he glared at Vegeta, "Please?" he pleaded through gritted teeth.  
  
Vegeta smirking, regained his normal stance looking on Piccolo with a sick twisted mild pity, "What will you train to be?" he snickered.  
  
"A lawyer" Piccolo said quietly, his cheeks burning violet.  
  
"A LAWYER!?" roared Vegeta, back into his fit of laughter.  
  
Bra, (note, at the tender age of five), walked over face cast with confusion, "Mr. Piccolo?" she asked sweetly, "Did I hear you say you want to be a lawyer?".  
  
Piccolo nodded meekly.  
  
Bra's eyes sparkled, "Like Working Woman Barbie?" she gasped, smiling dreamily at him.  
  
"Working-Woman-Barbie" Vegeta gasped in between laughs.  
  
Piccolo clenched his fists, 'I will not attack Vegeta.I will not attack Vegeta.'  
  
"Vegeta?"  
  
Bulma strolled out into the gardens, looking to her husband, still howling with laughter. She caught sight of Piccolo and brightened "Hey Piccolo!".  
  
"Mommy! Mommy!" cried Bra happily, "Piccolo's gonna be like Working Woman Barbie!".  
  
Bulma blinked.  
  
If Piccolo could have, he would have raised all the ki he had inside his body and blew himself up at that moment, the only thing stopping him was the blue haired little girl hugging onto his leg squealing with excitement, "Ooh! You're my hero! Piccolo".  
  
Piccolo's Onyx eyes weakened as he saw Vegeta take Bulma's arm, his cheeks still red, and pull her off into the house his last words caught his pointy ears, "We need to talk".  
  
* * *  
  
Vegeta returned outside the house, minuets later. His hair tousled, blushing a bit, and grinning "Hey Namek" he greeted, "I pulled some strings".  
  
"You did?" Piccolo asked brightly.  
  
"Yes" Vegeta said with a small purr, "But I had to promise her something in return" he spat gravely.  
  
Piccolo blinked, "What?".  
  
Vegeta glared, "I had to promise to be her love slave!".  
  
Piccolo's own cheeks reddened, "Sorry?".  
  
Vegeta rolled his eyes, waving a hand dismissing the matter, he turned on his heel "She'll be coming out to talk to you in a minuet-oh and Piccolo?".  
  
Piccolo, smiling, replied quickly "Yes?".  
  
"I like being her love slave" he said, grinning back at him over his shoulder.  
  
Piccolo's eyes widened a bit, "Oh"  
  
Bulma exited out into the garden, smiling at him and waving madly "Piccolo! YOU ARE SO CUTE!".  
  
Piccolo backed up a bit, looking scarred "Hey Bulma".  
  
Bulma sniffled, "It's so nice to see a middle aged Namek going out there and making something of himself!".  
  
"Middle aged?" thought Piccolo indignantly.  
  
"Of course I'll get you into College!" she exclaimed, grasping his hands "And we'll get you an apartment-ooh and you can have one of Trunks cars! Ooh and I know this fabulous designer who can help you model the apartment!".  
  
"I'll pay you back" he said timidly.  
  
"No need to worry about that just yet!" she beamed at him, "I AM just so glad to help!".  
  
Bulma linked her arm with his and tugged him off inside the house, "This is just so fantabulous!".  
  
"Yea.but really I don't need a car"  
  
"Of course you do! You can't be flying from home to Campus!"  
  
Piccolo scratched his cheek, his cheeks and ears tinted purple "Thanks Bulma" he said overwhelmed with it all.  
  
"No need for thanks! You can represent me in court if I get sued!"  
  
Piccolo had never really considered the blue haired bombshell 'mad' before but as her fingers dug into his arm, a crazed look on her face he was beginning to wonder.  
  
"Bulma, you don't get out much do you?"  
  
* * *  
  
"PICCOLO'S GOING TO COLLEGE?!" exclaimed Gohan, spitting out his coffee.  
  
Pan nodded quickly, "Yuh Huh, Bra told me".  
  
They heard a soft sigh from the kitchen, Videl emerged with a dreamy expression "That is just so wonderful".  
  
"You really think?" Gohan asked faintly, "Piccolo's not exactly-normal-you know?".  
  
"Gohan! He'll be fine! Piccolo's strong-smart! He can take care of himself" Videl smiled.  
  
"Yea.but it's not an everyday thing for a green alien to go to college."  
  
"Well it wasn't an everyday thing for a half-alien to go to college" she countered.  
  
"Yeah! But I could hide my appearance! He can't!" Gohan cried in worry.  
  
Videl glared, "Gohan! Stop it! Appearance doesn't matter! They'll just have to get use to it!".  
  
Gohan slouched in his seat, "Yes Honey" he replied weakly, with a nervous smile.  
  
Pan shrugged, "At least I got use for that 'Working Woman Barbie' now".  
  
Videl arched a brow, "Why's that honey?".  
  
"I'm gonna color her green and shave off her hair!" grinned Pan before running off to her room.  
  
Gohan blinked.  
  
* * *  
  
"Really-Bulma-I don't need my own place I can have a room mate" Piccolo said smiling warily at her as she scribbled circles around apartment ads, "I mean-then we could split the rent right?".  
  
Bulma sighed, "You sure?".  
  
Piccolo nodded quickly, "Uh-Huh" he fiddled with his fingers, starring at the newspaper page with interest "How about that-" he pointed at an add, "Room mate wanted-3 bedroom, 1 bath, nice neighborhood Koori Acres".  
  
Bulma raised her brows, her eyes scanning the ad "Looks good, call it up".  
  
Piccolo hesitantly took the phone, "Err-". Bulma's slender hand slid onto the receiver, typing in the number, "There yeh go, hon".  
  
Piccolo brought the receiver to his ear and listened intently to the long rings, a sly voice sounded on the other end, "Hello?".  
  
"Hello" grunted Piccolo awkwardly, "You have an add for a room mate".  
  
"Oh yeah.you interested?" the voice purred on the other end.  
  
Piccolo nodded briskly, "Yeah".  
  
"Do you want to meet?" the voice asked lazily.  
  
Piccolo looked to Bulma who was sitting close listening, she nodded to him, "Ok" he muttered.  
  
"Lets meet at the apartment, in 20 minuets"  
  
Piccolo nodded again, "Chotto Matte" he said quickly, setting the phone down. He wrung his hands, burrowing his brow thoughtfully.  
  
Bulma smiled lightly, "Mini iko-yo" she said brightly, "Lets go do this!".  
  
Piccolo nodded meekly, he picked the phone back up "So-dane!".  
  
"Fine" the voice sighed, "See you then".  
  
Dial tone.  
  
"Gomen, Bulma" he said gratefully, "This means a lot".  
  
"No problem-VEGGIE!!!" she hollered "WE'RE GOING OUT!!!".  
  
A distant grunt was her response.  
  
Bulma snatched her purse, "This'll be so much fun!" she said happily, taking his hand.  
  
Piccolo nodded.  
  
* * *  
  
(Chotto Matte: Wait a sec Mini iko-yo: Let's go look So-dane: Okay! (sure) Gomen: Thank you)  
  
* * *  
  
Bulma made her way up the stair case pulling piccolo eagerly behind her. They came to a halt in front of the apartment, piccolo panting.  
  
"Come on piccolo aren't you just a little excited?" Bulma asked smiling  
  
"Well, yeah I guess." Piccolo said blushing and staring down at the ground, gaining interest in his feet.  
  
"Ooh look here he comes!" Bulma yelled playfully. Piccolo glimpsed up slowly, his expression quickly changing. It was. 


	2. A questionable Friendship

Writen by: Supervillain_Catgirl and Casakitten  
* * *  
  
"Yo" Juunana-gou greeted, smiling slyly.  
  
"YOU!" Piccolo barked as Bulma backed away "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!"  
  
"Well," Bulma said smiling nervously "I was talking to Juuhachi-gou on the phone the other day and she said that her brother was looking for a roommate and when I saw the add." She trailed off wringing her hands repeatedly.  
  
"and?" piccolo said motioning his hands for her to continue.  
  
"Well, I just-oh get over it you big baby! He's not gonna bite you!" Bulma yelled in frustration.  
  
"Wouldn't be to quick to Judge." Juunana-gou said, still giving that cold smile.  
  
"THAT'S IT! I AM SO NOT DOING THIS!" Piccolo roared.  
  
"Oh yes you are!" Bulma yelled "You know how many strings I  
had to pull to get you into  
college! Having the description of tall, green, and  
handsome isn't exactly comforting you  
know! Half the people I called thought I was joking!" Bulma  
took a deep breathe before  
continuing "And besides, you want to feel more like a man  
don't you?"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Piccolo asked glaring  
  
"GROW UP!" Bulma yelled giving piccolo a jump in his  
stomach.  
  
"Bravo," said Juunana-gou clapping "I can see why Vegeta  
claimed her"  
  
Bulma blushed a little bit" I WAS NOT CLAIMED! But thank-  
you, I think" She said looking  
awkward.  
  
"So do you want to see the apartment or not?" Juunana-gou  
asked dangling the key in front of  
him.  
  
"Yeah sure" Piccolo mumbled as Bulma squealed with joy  
"THANK YOU!" she exclaimed  
in joy jumping up and pecking Piccolo on the cheek. Piccolo  
stopped, an then blushed realizing  
what had just occurred.  
  
When they entered the apartment, the sight wasn't  
'pleasant', empty glasses were tipped on  
on the coffee table, dirty magazines were scattered around  
the floor, half eaten food graced  
the kitchen counters. A cockroach wouldn't live here, but  
despite the trash the apartment it  
self was quite nice, it had a large look-in kitchen, a  
pretty spacious balcony, a nice  
view of a park near by, the carpet looked near-new, and  
there was plenty of room to spare. If  
it were to be cleaned up a bit, he would find it to be  
quite satisfactory.  
  
Piccolo gazed around the room, it was what he was looking  
for.damn.  
  
Juunana-gou caught his gaze, and grinned "You like what you  
see, green?".  
  
Piccolo twitched, "It's a pigsty" he replied.  
  
Bulma whipped out her cell phone and dialed home, "Yea-mom?  
Send over a dozen cleaning  
robots to Koori Acres-yes Uh-huh, Thanks" she turned to  
Piccolo "1st problem solved".  
  
"It's looks like you've been living here for a while"  
Piccolo said distastefully, crossing his arms  
firmly on his chest "Why do you want a room mate".  
  
"Juuhachi-gou and her shrimp husband have stopped  
supporting me! So I can't afford to live by  
myself anymore" growled Juunana-gou, "The nerve, me! Her  
own brother!".  
  
Piccolo squinted, "Will you be able to afford the half-  
monthly rent alone?".  
  
"Yea.I'll just have to budget a bit-" he muttered, "No more  
dirty magazines for a while".  
  
Piccolo winced, kicking one of Juu's 'dirty magazines'  
forward so he wouldn't have to stare at  
it any longer, "Do you have a job".  
  
"I'm a stripper"  
  
Piccolo coughed, "A what?".  
  
Bulma raised a brow, "You're a stripper".  
  
"Yeah-but for like baby-showers and bachelorette parties  
and most of them faint before I take  
anything off".  
  
Piccolo's eyes widened, "Okay.is that a good paying job?".  
  
"Yes, I live off the tips"  
  
Bulma gripped onto Piccolo's arm as he made a move to run,  
"Stay" she ordered.  
  
"So-can you afford to live here?" Juu took on Piccolo's  
stiff expression and cross his arms.  
  
Piccolo looked to Bulma, "Can I?" he asked.  
  
"Yes of course! I'll support you"  
  
"Until I get a job" sighed Piccolo.  
  
Juu snickered, "I could get you a job" he purred.  
  
"No!" cried Piccolo taking cover behind Bulma, "I'll find  
one!".  
  
"So It's settled, Piccolo moves in!" Bulma raised her fist  
into the air, "My job is almost done!".  
  
"Almost?" Juu and Piccolo questioned in union.  
  
Bulma grinned, "You'll see-I'll leave you two be for a bit-  
got some phone calls to make"  
Bulma strolled outside, leaving the two alone.  
  
"Where's my room?" mumbled Piccolo.  
  
"Oh-I guess I should kick Mr. Twinkle out of there right?"  
  
"Mr. Twinkle?" questioned Piccolo.  
  
"Yeah, my cat" Juu smirked, "Or-our cat" he licked his  
lips.  
  
"E?" squeaked Piccolo in soprano.  
  
"Just follow me, Aho" Juu placed his hands on his hips and  
turned on his heel.  
  
"Un" Piccolo said quietly, following him into the hallway.  
  
* * *  
  
(Aho: Dumbass E: What? Un: Okay (fine))  
  
* * *  
  
It was really amazing how long it took Bulma to, in her own words, 'work her magic'-by the time they finished the tour of the house. The living room and kitchen were clean and robots were moving out Juu's old tattered couch. Which he, was quite un happy with.  
  
"I liked that couch!" he shouted after the moving robots, as they hauled the couch out of the apartment.  
  
Bulma hit him roughly on the back, "You should see the set I ordered to replace it, a hot-pink cherry blossom floral print couch and love seat! It's so perfect!".  
  
Juu's eyes widened, "Hot Pink?" he spat in question.  
  
Piccolo copied Juu's expression, "Cherry Blossom?" he asked weakly.  
  
"Wait till you see it-it matches the drapes I ordered" Bulma said warmly, "Ooh and the kitchen theme I'm having delivered".  
  
"We're men!" the android and the Namek exclaimed in union.  
  
Bulma hustled off, "Bakas" she mumbled.  
  
"Oh-My-Gosh!" squealed a voice from the door.  
  
Piccolo looked to the door and laughed nervously, "Hey Videl".  
  
Videl, eyes widened in amazement, walked inside the apartment holding Pan's small hand "Wow, nice place" she smiled at Piccolo.  
  
Videl extended her free hand to Juu, "Nice to meet you, I'm Videl Son".  
  
Juu reached to shake her hand but Piccolo slapped it, "This is Juunana-gou, he's my new room mate".  
  
Juu snatched her hand and kissed it, "Nice to meet you too".  
  
Piccolo hit Juu upside the head, "Leave-her-be".  
  
Pan gazed up at Juu, "You look like Juuhachi-gou" she informed him, "A lot like her".  
  
Juu raised an eyebrow to this, "Really?".  
  
"And a cat"  
  
Piccolo picked up Pan and hugged onto her tightly, backing away from Juu a bit, "How you doing, kid?".  
  
Pan wrapped her chubby arms around Piccolo's neck and gave him a squeeze, "Good, I learned how to make an energy blast".  
  
"That's great" grinned Piccolo, "Your getting stronger each day".  
  
Piccolo cradled Pan in his arms, he smiled at Videl "What're you doing here?".  
  
"I heard about you going to College and I wanted to congratulate you-" she replied, hugging herself, "Congratulations!".  
  
"Thanks" Piccolo said shyly.  
  
Gohan entered the apartment, looking around suspiciously, he rested his eyes on Juu and screamed "YOU!".  
  
"Gohan No-"  
  
Gohan tackled Juu to the ground, "How dare you take a step towards my wife and child!" he shouted firing up an energy ki to Juu's throat.  
  
"Gohan No! He's my room mate!"  
  
Gohan blinked, "Your what?"  
  
"Your what?"  
  
Goku entered the apartment, starring in disbelief at Piccolo "He's your what?".  
  
"My Room mate Goku, MY ROOM MATE!"  
  
Goku gapped at him, "E?!".  
  
"Don't look at me!" cried Piccolo, "Bulma's the one who set it up!"  
  
"Oh" Videl, Goku, Gohan, and Pan said in union knowledgably.  
  
Gohan climbed off of Juu, and glared down on him.  
  
"Oh" said Juu in mock disappointment, "But it was getting so-hot" he purred.  
  
Videl gripped onto Gohan and tugged him back as he made another move to attack the Android, "Calm down" she hissed.  
  
Piccolo gapped at the doorway, as two moving robots came in hauling the aforementioned Hot Pink-Cherry Blossom floral print couch, the loveseat following.  
  
Pan made a sour face, "Ewww Pink".  
  
Videl gasped, "It's beautiful!"  
  
Goku howled with laughter, "THAT'S YOUR COUCH?!".  
  
"That's our couch!?" Juu cried out.  
  
"That's our couch?" Piccolo asked faintly.  
  
* * * 


	3. The first night

* * *  
  
"Bye!"  
  
"Bye Bye!"  
  
"Bye Mr. Piccolo!"  
  
"Bye you two"  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
"Bye" Piccolo said pushing the door shut, he bumped his head against it "That was hell" he informed his new room mate.  
  
"I don't like your friends"  
  
"I don't like you" sneered Piccolo.  
  
"Fair Enough, I could destroy you in an instant"  
  
"Ha" Piccolo laughed sorely, "Cute".  
  
"Well I am cute" Juu winked, "Nani Tabeyo-ka?" (What should we eat?)  
  
"Nanini shiyou kana" (hmm.lemme think) Piccolo walked into the fully- stocked kitchen and moved his eyes around it's interior, "I can't cook" he informed Juu loudly, "We'll have to order out.I guess.".  
  
"Hey, we're not made of money! We've got plenty of food to cook it'd been a waste to order take out-I can cook fine" Juu entered the kitchen, arms crossed firmly on his chest "Now-get out the vegetable oil-fried noodles, and a frying pan. I'm cooking us Yakisoba".  
  
Piccolo arched a brow, "Isn't that a little un-healthy?".  
  
"We're men! Bachelors! Or-atleast I'm a man. We can eat how ever the damn we please!" Juu grinned.  
  
"I could dry up"  
  
"Well then you lived a good life, now get out those ingredients I'm making dinner!" Juu rubbed his hands together in anticipation, Piccolo gave him a puzzled look "Now" Juu said squinting at him. Piccolo still remained planted to his spot, gazing at Juu in confusion.  
  
Juu rolled his eyes and walked forward, he raised his hand at Piccolo's backside and smacked his butt, "Off with you".  
  
"Fuzaken jyane--yo nande sonna koto shitan dayo-?!?!" cried Piccolo running forward, "Koro shite yaru-!".  
  
Juu waved his hand, "Go on".  
  
Piccolo opened a cupboard and slowly took out the oil, watching Juu out of the corner of his eyes daring him to try that again, his cheeks burning purple. Juu smiled devilishly, "You've got a nice butt".  
  
Piccolo fired up an energy blast, "YOU FRUIT" he spat, looking scared.  
  
"Quite the opposite, Green. Infact if your interested, College Boy. I've got a date on Saturday and her friend is coming with her so why don't you join us?"  
  
"Can't" Piccolo replied stiffly, "And Won't."  
  
"Can't? You have plans?" Juu raised an eyebrow eloquently, "Do Tell".  
  
"I've got to get a Drivers License Saturday and shop-" Piccolo blushed a bit, "Bulma said I'm starting classes on Monday and I don't think I'll be able to wear my training Gi".  
  
"It's to my understanding.that you can't just go to law school right?" Juu asked setting the frying pan on the stove, "You have to go to College and get your bachelors' right?".  
  
Piccolo nodded, "I'm going to get a bachelors' in psychology and then I'm going to law school".  
  
Juu stroked his chin, starring at Piccolo thoughtfully, "Well now, you've got everything figured out don't you? When does a girl or 10 fit into this plan?".  
  
"What?" grunted Piccolo.  
  
"A woman to satisfy your manly needs"  
  
"You're a pig" growled Piccolo, "I don't want a woman, I'm a Namek, we don't need companionship".  
  
"But Namekian's are men right?"  
  
"Yea.but we just die and spit out eggs, all the Namekian women died out ages ago" Piccolo sighed lightly, "I don't think a Namekian man has been with a woman for decades".  
  
"Man.that's hell" Juu hoisted himself on the counter top and crossed his legs "So you don't like chicks?".  
  
"I wouldn't know, I've only met 10 in my lifetime and they've either been taken or don't interest me" Piccolo looked out the noodles and handed them to Juu.  
  
"So I can count you in for that double date then?" asked Juu slowly.  
  
"I said 'No'" he said loudly.  
  
"SO what time should we pick them up?"  
  
"What are you death?" spat Piccolo squinting at him, "I said NO".  
  
"What will you wear?".  
  
"Kami! Just make the dinner already!" shouted Piccolo.  
  
"Sure Handsome" Juu winked, and went to work.  
  
* * *  
  
Piccolo wiped his mouth, eyeing Juu suspiciously as he had just finished the meal.  
  
Juu smirked, "Like it?".  
  
"It's okay, but I'll make dinner tomorrow night" Piccolo replied slowly, "We'll take shifts".  
  
"I take Sunday" Juu said quickly.  
  
"I take Monday"  
  
"I take Tuesday"  
  
"I take Wednesday!"  
  
"But I want Wednesday"  
  
"I get Wednesday!"  
  
"Fine, I get Thursday"  
  
"Friday and Saturday we eat out, with women most likely"  
  
Piccolo blinked, "Can we afford that?".  
  
"Bulma can"  
  
"We should only use her money when we need too! We should do-or you should use the rest of your paycheck for that other stuff" Piccolo said stiffly, "Besides, shouldn't you be busy working?"  
  
"Uh no." Juu said dully.  
  
"I'm going to bed." Piccolo said wandering off into his room.  
  
***  
  
Piccolo awoke next morning to a strange smell. He got up and put his gi top making his way out of his room. Juunana-gou was making breakfast in the kitchen humming some strange tune.  
  
"What are you doing?" Piccolo asked with a strange look on his face  
  
"Making breakfast." Juu said giving a wink  
  
"teme-yarukika!?(are you trying to piss me off!?)" Piccolo barked.  
  
"Course not."  
  
"I'm gonna go now" Piccolo said backing away towards the door  
  
"But what about Breakfast?" Juu asked pouting his lip.  
  
"SCREW BREAKFAST!" Piccolo yelled running for the door.  
  
"When will you be back!?" Juu yelled after him as the door slammed.  
  
"nanda aitsu(what da hell is wrong with him?)" Piccolo said panting.  
  
Piccolo ran down stairs looking at the parking lot below. He passed his car that Bulma had parked for him, if only he could drive. It took quite sometime before piccolo finally made it to the mall. He had started to wish he had ate some of that breakfast after hearing his stomach growl for the umpteenth time. He proceeded through the entrance doors.  
  
The mall was near-empty as few people went that early in the morning, shops were just opening so it looked like he wouldn't catch the eye of too many people at once.  
  
He almost felt awkward in his training GI, it wasn't very casual.  
  
He frowned inwardly, shopping for 'casual' clothes would be a battle.  
  
"Hey Piccolo!" came a familiar voice from behind.  
  
Piccolo turned around and grinned at Yamucha and the girl hanging off his arm, "Hey Yamucha".  
  
"Your shopping?" asked Yamucha, grinning back at him "I'd never think I'd see the day".  
  
"Yes well.I'm a College man" Piccolo said, giving him a week thumbs up.  
  
"You?" snorted Yamucha.  
  
Piccolo glared.  
  
Yamucha looked as if he was going to wet himself, "No-I mean what I meant was-I just-didn't-expect you to go to college but I guess you've got to get a human life right? I mean the earth is threat-less and the whole saving the earth thing isn't happening. So-what're you going to be?" he asked smiling nervously.  
  
"I'm going to get my bachelors in psychology and then I'm going to law school" Piccolo replied with a dignant nod of the head.  
  
"Law school?" laughed Yamucha.  
  
The girl on his arm smacked him upside the head, then looked to Piccolo "I think that is so inspiring, I mean you getting on with your life" she squeaked in a perky voice.  
  
Piccolo tilted his chin up and turned on his heel walking to the escalator.  
  
He starred at it.  
  
And he starred at it some more.  
  
Was he suppose to step on it?  
  
Hesitantly he stepped onto the last moving step, he let out a loud grunt as he quickly placed his other foot on it as it moved up. He could hear Yamucha's howls of laughter echoing off the glass ceiling. What a sight he was, a green man afraid to ride a staircase.  
  
This was going to be one hell of a day.  
  
* * *  
  
Piccolo had finally managed to make it up the stairs, by that time the mall had filled with more people. He wasn't surprised, I mean, It did take him about an hour to go up the stairs until he realized he left his wallet back on the first floor. Going down the down escalator was about ten times more frightening for the poor country Namek. He kept on questioning weather gravity would decide to play a game of cat and mouse. Surprisingly enough it did. He tripped, tumbling down the stairs in a violent rage, only to get his antennas caught. Not to mention a little boy with red hair with a pixie stix started to poke him and say "Mommy can we keep him?" This was not going well.  
  
Piccolo, now at the second floor, found that shopping was even harder.  
  
"Um, lets see here." Piccolo mumbled staring down at a list that Juu had written for him explaining what items would be necessary. He raised an eyebrow at the words 'play boy magazine'.  
  
"I better check with Bulma on that one." Piccolo said circling the word with a red pen.  
  
"Excuse me sir would you be interested in trying this new line of cologne! ^_^ It's free!" A sales lady yelled making piccolo jump up, knocking down a couple of notebooks he was looking at.  
  
"Um, no thank you." Piccolo said awkwardly, backing into a corner.  
  
"Oh but I Insist!" The woman said now with a more aggressive tone of voice.  
  
"No really, I don't want any!" Piccolo yelled, struggling to find a way out.  
  
"ooh but you must!" She said now with her and on the top of it, preparing to squirt.  
  
"Um..I" piccolo said nervously "Don't like that kind. Why don't you get some erm.other varieties."  
  
"OOH! Splendid! excellent idea sir!" She said clapping her hands together. "I'll go get some more from my stock, and don't you go anywhere." She said winking.  
  
"Uh.yeah sure." Piccolo looked both ways and forced a smile on his face.  
  
The woman pounced of, giggling. She wouldn't be gone long so he had better get moving. Piccolo took a step to the left and looked around cautiously. "Ah who are you kidding. They can't do anything to you, they're just sales women." Piccolo assured himself. He proudly marched towards the exit, now feeling much more comfortable.  
  
"I'm ba." The woman said trailing off. She looked around and notice a green head heading for the exit. "Oh no you don't!" She yelled as she pressed as she took out a walky talky and pressed in the red button. "He have a 123, male, 6.6ft, and bout 160 pounds. Oh yea and he's green. Close all exits." She spoke into the speaker. "Roger that," A woman's voice answered as the sales lady made way for the exit.  
  
Piccolo's elf ears perked up and began to twitch madly. "I hear something." Piccolo said as he gave a look around. He squinted and saw a whole bunch of heads appearing over the aisles. "What?" Piccolo asked as he raised a brow. And then the exit suddenly closed. Piccolo jumped up and looked around only to find A STAMPEDE OF SALES LADIES!  
  
"Get him!" One of them yelled, charging towards the helpless lima bean. He recognized one of them as the sales lady he left, god he wished he would've listened to his instincts. They grew closer and closer until.  
  
SC: Yeah I know it's kinda a cliff hanger but that's fan fiction for ya.  
  
CK: 


End file.
